Identity, self, me.

Who am I?

I do a lot of thinking about "what is taiko?", and it's enjoyable on a philosophical level. I've had a number of discussions about how identity in taiko shapes both the art as well as the performer. So I want to do some typing and see what I come up with, with no real destination in mind...

1.) I'm White.
What does even mean? If you pull a white crayon out, I'm much more pink than that. But no one ever calls me "pink". And what if I was tan, would I be "umber" or "beige"? No, I'd still be "white". It's a pretty useless descriptor if it's describing the color of my skin even if my skin isn't that color, right?

2.) I'm Caucasian.

Ok, this one is more scientific, but still pretty useless. I'm one of the predominantly light-skinned humanoids. Sure.

3.) I'm (North) American.

What does that even mean? At the very least, it means I'm a native of the Americas. Am I Mexican? Canadian? United States...ian? What if I was born in Fakenameistan and moved here when I was two years old? Which place holds my nationality? I can pretty much choose whichever one suits me at the time someone asks me...

4.) I'm one-quarter each Russian, Scottish, German, and Irish.

Well that's neat! I must like vodka, kilts, bratwurst, and potatoes, right? I'm not serious...although I do like bratwurst. This is my heritage, my family history, but it only defines who I am on paper. It might explain some genetic traits, but like horoscopes, it's easy to pick-and-choose what sounds convenient.

5.) I'm a Japanophile/Sinophile.

I've studied the Japanese language for about a total of two years, I've practiced karate for about 10 years total, and taiko for 16. This combination often has placed me in the "Japanophile" category by those who find comfort in labeling others. There are other elements to this; I enjoy some anime, enjoy videogames, and now have a Japanese-Canadian girlfriend. Damning, isn't it?

The definition of the word "Japanophile" is one who loves Japan, its people, and/or its culture. But the word suggests the lack of love for one's own country, people, and/or culture. I've never been called an Americanophile, nor have I ever heard a native Japanese person be called a Japanophile - there are people like that, but the labels sound weird on them.

I'm a culturophile. I love music, food, art, and language from around the world - not so much people, but that's the introvert in me. :)

When I was studying the Brazillian martial art Capoeira, no one called me a Brazilophile, even though I was studying the movement of the art, the music and songs in Portugese, and learning the language somewhat. When I studied Tae Kwon Do, no one called me a Koreophile. Taking Western music theory classes never branded me as a Anglophile, either.

If I wasn't practicing karate, I would be doing another martial art. If I wasn't practicing taiko, I'd be doing another musical form. If I had the time, I would study a dozen other languages. But it happened that several of my interests had one country of origin.

6.) I want to be Japanese.

Ha! I actually like being who I am. I admire parts of the Japanese culture like I do parts of my "own" culture, but I don't want to adopt it necessarily. I kind of like being myself and not letting one culture or another define me.

My musical background is strongly rooted in 80's British techno-pop and Nine Inch Nails. My visual style tends to favor a Fauvist approach. I appreciate Heavy Metal but own little of it. I looove Thai food. The African asalato toy fascinates me. I've gone through a Barmitzvah and several years of Hebrew school. I avoid sunlight and the outdoors in general. I'm a Scorpio and Water Ox, but believe in none of that.

Now, with that tiny spread of data, what do you see me wanting to be? There's no pattern, no thread, is there? Exactly. It's much easier to label and define me the less you know about me. I'm unique, just like everyone else. I sure do have some words that may fit me, but the people that know me the least seem to be the ones who are the most sure they have me pegged.

***Okay, so...who cares?***
Probably not many people! Part of this post is to put myself out there, even if it's not comfortable for others to confront. I've heard people labeling me who are so off-base it makes them look silly.

But these questions about who I am can bring conflict in others - I know people who play taiko and have questioned what "right" they have to play a "Japanese" art when they're not Japanese. What *is* Japanese? Is it a culture? Is it a nationality? Both? Neither?

Without the player, the taiko is simply a drum on a stand. So without knowing who you are as a player, how can you truly understand the instrument? I'll probably do another post on that in the near-future.