Question Everything: Ego

How do you perform to your fullest if you suppress yourself?

I'm going to start off by discounting Buddhist groups or those who play "just to play". That's a different mindset that I'm not going to quarrel with. But as for the rest of us...

It's common in taiko groups to have improvisational solos in songs. And no one wants to play a solo meekly or reserved, do they? Yet it's also common in taiko groups to have the philosophy of "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down". So with one hand, the performer is pushed towards the temporary spotlight, and with the other hand, smacked on their metaphorical ass when the "threat" of ego rears it's head.

When I look up ego, I see a few terms like "inflated feeling of pride" but more terms like "a sense of self-respect and personal worth". So ego can be villain-ized or looked at as a performer's tool.

To me, a "good" soloist is one who knows their body, plays patterns cleanly, and understands the song/style to solo in. The soloist that stands out, however, is the one doing all that plus exploding with energy, exuding confidence, and not holding back. You can't do that without ego! If you can't make the audience feel like you own that solo, even own the stage during your solo, then at best it's just "fun" to watch, and at worst it looks like you don't belong up there.

I touched upon this concept in a post here. And I know to some people, what I preach is anathema. Those people are confusing humbleness with confidence. They are NOT mutually exclusive! I have a looonnnnnnng way to go in terms of skills, but I can be proud of where I am!

Almost all of my favorite taiko performers I've had the fortune to be able to talk to and get to know. None of them are jerks. And when they solo, they do "own the stage". I can't imagine that any of them think to themselves, "I better not show too much pride right now," or "I'm not really worth that much," while they're playing!

There's definitely a threat of over-confidence that needs to be avoided, and I'm also talking in terms of performing, not group dynamics. A player who feels they're invaluable just because they play well can be a liability. However, think to yourself - do you hold yourself back when you play because you worry about your pride? Do you want to inspire the audience and make them feel the same joy you do? Can't have it both ways.

We all play alongside our egos; it's up to us to make it work with us or hinder us.